Attention All Mothers!

If you do this to your child...

CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!!!

That is all...

Bullying

There is nothing good to say about bullying.  The very definition ( picking on those weaker ) is anathema to humanitarianism. Exposing bad behavior is almost always a good thing. However, there is a fine line between discussing an issue responsibly and throwing a buzz word ( in this case “bullying” ) over everything.

Tossing buzz words around is irresponsible. We saw this happen with the word “stress” about a decade or so ago. Stress became synonymous with anxiety and is now only deemed as negative.  “I’m stressing” became an actual expression. Between you and me, there is nothing negative about stress. Positive excitement is stressful to the body and mind as well. Is bullying ever good? Of course not, but suggesting that an adolescent girl killed herself because of bullying…on facebook, is absurd. It diminishes her troubles and pain ( whatever their genesis ) and demonizes the abstract. Suggesting that she was a victim of her computer and that her screen drove her to death is a wretched portrait to paint of a troubled teenager. In fact, suggesting that anyone was driven to end their life due to bullying smacks of complacency.

No doubt, as adults we may not remember the turmoil of adolescence. Everything was very important and permanent and fraught with drama. Rarely were we our best selves. Our identities only existed as they were reflected back to us by our cohort. What an awful time it was. Adolescents ( particularly girls in the middle school years ) can be pretty nasty as they claw their way to relevance. When we layer this anthropological phenomenon with the current social climate, things can get dire.

Most of us did not grow up in an age of digital cameras and instant ( permanent ) exposure. We probably did not grow up in a world of celebrity ( for no apparent reason ) suggesting we should all live in the spotlight, behave badly, always be styled and airbrushed and party like it’s…you get my point. We probably didn’t grow up during a time when college was seen as a given, and the only path to income, yet was academically and financially unattainable to many. We were independent-ish and expected to manage our own social and even academic world. ( Note: personal responsibility is the key ingredient for self-esteem. )

Adolescence+increased external pressure+diminished internal resources can add up to a troubled teen. Luckily, their world is populated by adults. Teachers, nurses, administrators, coaches and guidance counselors see the good, the bad and the ugly. Parents are in the best position to see the unhappiness in their child. Many do and struggle with how best to care for their child. Depression, either clinical or non-clinical sadness, is frightening in a population known for their lack of impulse control. A teenager who has lost interest in pleasurable activities, and/or has changed his/her sleeping/eating patterns should be seen as in crisis.

Bullying can most certainly push a vulnerable teenager over the edge. So can a bad grade or a romantic break-up. However, when the media hauls out bullying "experts" our limited attention shifts to the external. It is the at-risk adolescent that warrants the attention, not the behavior of others. A healthy and supported teenager will not log on to facebook if it brings unhappiness. A healthy and supported adolescent, no matter how quirky, will not be driven to self-harm by the comments of others. Bullying will always exist, empires were built on it. Where we need to focus is on those adolescents who need support.

Who's the Man on Xbox Live!?

Years ago, when asked in an interview on gamertagpics.com, Beth ( monkeygirl 17 ) gave the sweetest answer I could have ever read:

Who is your favorite person on Xbox Live?

No questions asked, it's my Majestik!!!!!  I love that boy more than anyone one else on here by far!!!  He's probably the only person I know that I would jump on a plane for anything for...and I know he would do the same for me!!! And that's all that matters, I mean come on the countless hours of Rainbow Six, what more could I ask for but someone to sit and play hundreds of hours of Terrorist Hunt with me leading (always) and drink 2 fifths of Jager with me in one day....and well you can't forget defending the Rams against the Patriot fans when we were losing completely filled with Jack and Cokes up until the 4th Qtr!!!   D we've been through so much and some that could never be on this blog b/c it's only ours!!!   Thanks for everything!!!  I love you!!!!

Thanks, Beth! 

My Porn Star Story

A few years ago, probably around '05-ish, I was dating a girl from the mountains of Pennsylvania ( or Pennsyltucky ). Small town, lots of space between houses, quiet and very laid back. Nice change from what I was used to. Anyway, there was really just one grocery store other than a Wal-Mart to do all of your food shopping at...and this is where my story takes place.

We are food shopping one afternoon and , in passing, she exchanges pleasantries with a blonde woman on the other side of the aisle we are in. I'm not really paying attention at first, as I am lagging behind. I was probably trying to figure out why we need fruit snacks in the shape of anything other than fruit or why there aren't any prizes in cereal anymore. I notice it is time for me to catch up and as I pass the woman, we both nod, smile and exchange a "hello". I get two steps past her and realize that I recognize her from somewhere I can't place right then.


I catch up and ask, "who was that?", and she tells me it was Tanya. Apparently, Tanya was new to the area and their kids were in class together. Okay, so "Tanya" rings no bells and I am many miles from home, so I am clearly just reminded of someone else. I shrug it off and get to finishing this shopping trip. A few minutes and several aisles later, we come across her again. Small talk ensues as we do our thing and we, again, move on.


As we get to the register, she is right in front of us, loading her groceries on to the conveyor and they begin talking about some school things: the teacher, some play that is coming up and the possibility of some play dates. The kid behind the register, who was maybe 18 or so, is staring at Tanya and obviously having a hard time keeping his jaw from touching the floor. I think nothing of it, because she is a very pretty girl, even dressed down in sweats and her hair pulled back. They talk some more and now the kid is checking both of them out and enjoying the view - can't blame him.


As she gets ready to pay, she stops and lets her hair down to reestablish it's place on top of her head and out of her face. She shakes her hair out before pulling it back...and it hits me! I know exactly who she is...

It's Gina Lynn!

Okay, so I now have an entirely new perspective on what is going down here. They are chatting away like old friends, and the kid behind the counter ( let's call him Matt ) obviously knows who she is. As his eyes are bouncing back and forth between them, I realize that he thinks they are both porn stars! So, at this point, only 3 out of the 4 of us know what Tanya does for a living...and I can't wait to tell my girlfriend when we leave the store.

She checks out, says "goodbye, talk to ya later, see ya soon" and leaves. We check out, and Matt makes small talk while trying to conceal his shit-eating grin...and what I would imagine was other evidence of his approval. Her and Matt apparently have met before, as it's a small town and it is the only real grocery store. We finish and head to the car. 

We don't even make it across the parking lot and I clue her in on who Tanya is. She, at first, doesn't believe me...but my confidence on the matter convinces her. She does ask for physical proof later, but phones didn't really have the internet capability they do now, so we have to wait until we get home for that.

She still doesn't put two and two together...that Matt obviously knew who she was, and since they were so friendly, she was guilty by association. Matt automatically took one look at her and assumed she was also a porn star. She was beside herself. Not in a shitty, judgmental way...because she was all for adult films even if just watch and make fun of them. She was beside herself because I convinced her that the kid who bags her groceries not only approved of her supposed means of paying the bills, but how he would be showing his appreciation later that night when he was alone with his thoughts. I told her it was a huge compliment coming from a guy...but she didn't see it that way at all.

I'm with ya, Matt!

Apparently, since they live in such a secluded area, porn companies took to buying land and doing their filming in the out-of-the-way woods of Pennsyltucky. Then some of the girls decided it was nice and quiet and moved there, too. 

There is a bit more to this story, but it has nothing to do with this initial meeting. I will save it for another day. And, no, it isn't as wild or crazy as you might imagine...but she was very cool to hang with. And, needless to say, Matt probably still holds that sacred memory in the front of his mind for use from time to time.

A Relationship Question

After mulling this over in my head and with other people from time to time...I have a question. Before I get to the question, I will preface it with what lead up to it...


It seems that, in most relationships, that it's the "little things" that come between people. Whether you're married, living together or just dating at the time, problems are almost always attributed to the "little things". Or maybe it is just what I consider "little". Let's find out.


When you are with someone, even if it is just a close friend, isn't the last thing that you want to do fight with that person? To bicker with them, to argue with them? To me it is...but to others it seems to really be the opposite. I understand that everyone has quirks and habits that might be a bit annoying to you or take getting used to...we all have them. Part of getting close to someone is learning them and looking past them, as long as the habit isn't child porn or drowning kittens that is. Those things are a part of someone and help to make them who they are. They are to be respected and if they can't be, then you probably aren't getting that close in the first place.


Married couples, and couples that simply live together, seem to fight over the stupidest shit. Then, even worse, they harbor it until a war starts over some shit that isn't even the real problem to begin with. Having children seems to add to this ten fold.


One parent not getting help from the other is absurd to me. Whether it is homework, bath time, dinner, chores...whatever. You are supposed to be partners in this, but too many people don't see it that way. How hard is it to lend a hand after work to help accomplish something? How impossible a thought is it to set the table or help clear it off when dinner is done? You shouldn't have to be asked or begged...and you shouldn't come looking for a pat on the back or a gold star for doing what you are supposed to: be a partner, a Dad or a useful member of the house you live in.


How hard is it to respect the stay-at-home-Mom or Dad when you come home from work? To understand that they have it just as stressful as you do? I don't care how stressful your job is, even the crossing guard's job is fucking stressful - get over it and yourself. You have obligations at home that you should be happy to do. How hard is it to respect the person you are dwelling with or even dealing with based solely on the fact that you are with them? How impossible of an idea is it that you show some appreciation for a clean house and a full belly at the end of your day? Simple - it's not. You are not owed that, you are not entitled to that based strictly on the size of your bullshit ego. Making money is easy...making your house a home is not.

"I worked all day, what did YOU do?"

I understand that some people can't be satisfied and look to nit-pick about something every day. They can go fuck themselves. The last thing I want to do is come home to fight with someone I could easily be enjoying my life with. Helping them around the house isn't punishment or something to be resented. Sure, sometimes I want to come home and sit in the bathroom for a half hour and read something...but I can do that after I run the garbage out, do a little homework and admire the fact that I love my house and my family. 


Seriously, who wants to fight with anyone, let alone the person you are supposed to be happy to come home to? Wouldn't everyone rather handle their business, eat dinner, clean up, enjoy some time with and then read a story to their kids and send them off to sleep? Doing that with a partner really does make it easier and gets it done quicker...then we can enjoy the rest of our evening together. It makes for a much happier setting, doesn't it? We then can use that extra time and lack of animosity over who didn't do what to watch our shows together, pursue our separate interests or hobbies together, coexist and just be in the same room/house together, just enjoy each other's company like we are supposed to...and maybe even have ridiculous amounts of really good sex. I am all for any of those things over sitting silently and ignoring each other until it is time to go to sleep, wake up and go through it all over again.

"Thanks for clearing the table...now take me!"

It isn't my job to make you happy...but it is my obligation as your partner, significant other, husband, etc. to make sure that I don't make you unhappy. That part is cake as far as I am concerned.


The worst feeling I have ever experienced is that feeling of dread when faced with coming home. It certainly trumps the "is she screwing around on me?" feeling. If she's screwing around on me, she can go see if she has it better somewhere else. I can find someone else to love and respect and be happy with. No, the former feeling is much worse.


Now, finally, to my question:


With everything seemingly so easy to get along and the goal being to live happily with your chosen partner...what are the "hard" parts supposed to be? Some spend their entire lives bouncing from one relationship or marriage to another because they can't even handle the easy things like respect and a willingness to help the other person based on their bullshit notions of what they are entitled to...so, again, what are the hard parts of a relationship supposed to be? I can't think of one.

Guilty Pleasure: Glee

That's right, I said it...and I'll say it again, I watch and enjoy the shit out of Glee. I don't DVR it, or set my plans around it...nor do I consider myself a "Gleek". Hell, if it wasn't on the same night as Raising Hope, I wouldn't even know what day it airs. I have, however, seen every episode prior to this Season...and I get a kick out of it. 


Funny how I see men cringe at the thought and vehemently deny even knowing what the show is, as if it is an attack on their manhood. God forbid another guy knows of their knowledge of it's existence, for fear of having their manhood questioned. Honestly, if you are that insecure about what you allow yourself to enjoy based on what your boys think - I am questioning your "manhood" already. 


I suppose, since I "outed" my self for watching it, that I should explain why. No problem.

First, Jane Lynch. She is remarkably funny and a terror to the kids and teachers on the show. How can you not back a villain who tosses a few of these out per episode:

• ''So you like show tunes. It doesn't mean you're gay. It just means you're awful.''
• ''I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am."
• ''I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.''
• ''That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of  Hair.''
• ''I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.''
• ''I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.''
• ''I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.''
• ''I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house...and punch you in the face.''
• "All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off. So here's the dream, the Friday after Christmas, which I have off, if you're hideous stay at home. Spend the entire day watching home videos of a time when you weren't too repulsive for me to ever want to look at."
• "This year, I got myself a bit of an eyelift. And while they were in there, I told them to go ahead and yank out those tear ducts. Wasn't using 'em."

Second, Heather Morris. On top of being only the second funniest actor on the show ( behind Jane Lynch ) the girl can dance her terribly cute little ass off. So much so, and I will take an example from a friend of mine, she steals every number that involves her dancing in any way. Don't believe me?

Beyond those two, I don't care if the rest of the kids live or die in a house fire. I do, however, enjoy the way they interact and how the show comes off. It isn't really any different from any other show on TV in that respect - but with music and signing and dancing. I happen to enjoy that when done correctly, too.

It seems that guys have a huge problem with admitting to enjoying anything that gets them shit from their macho guy friends. I'll tell you this much, I can run circles around any jock or tough-guy when it comes to sports knowledge. Any sport...any aspect of the one you choose. Pick any "macho" subject you want and I got you. My "man card" isn't pulled because I enjoy some kids having fun singing and dancing and carrying on. So you continue to do what is expected of you...and I will do what I enjoy.

So, yeah, I watch Glee...and I enjoy it. Get a kick out of, even. I'm not telling you to run out and watch it, but what I am telling you is to stop acting like you're too tough for it or it's too gay for you. Honestly, watching it with your significant other might get you some points with her...and might definitely get you out of doing much worse things.

In Line at KFC

Oh crap, there’s a line. I should go. Yeah, I should go to Wendy’s. *squints, makes sucking motion through teeth* No. Let’s gut this out. That hankering for popcorn chicken was the real deal. You can’t ignore your body when it sends signals like that.

__

Old man, please know what you want before you order. Holy hell. There is a menu the size of a couch right there. It has pictures of the food on it. This is a menu designed to be usable by gerbils. How the fuck can you be standing in line for 10 minutes and not figure out what you want?

__

How on Earth can you not know how combos work? That is not a new invention. It’s in the Bible. “Land flowing with milk, and honey for only a dollar more.” Remember that? Fuuuuuuuuuck.

__

Oh good. It’s the woman with three kids, and an order for 28 more. It would be easiest to just give her five garbage bags full of chicken, but no, let’s read through your two-page list of requests. Everyone will enjoy that.

__

Please do not let your child use the soda machine. He is four-fucking-years-old. He cannot reach it. And now there’s soda everywhere. What a fascinating intersection of gravity, fluid dynamics and stupidity.

__

Please yell at your child. Let them know they did something wrong! Would you like me to do it? Put me in, coach. I’m ready.

__

OK, this guy’s cool. Two piece combo, pays cash, stands off to the side. Yes! That is how a playa orders at KFC! Do you see that, mouth-breathers? Do you see how simple it can be?

__

That’s great. This guy just saved me like a minute. I’m going to give him a little nod. Let him know I saw what he did there and appreciate it.

__

OK, that seemed to freak him out. I shouldn’t have done that.

__

Every single KFC I’ve been to is like this. I don’t get it. The process of frying the fuck out of something and exchanging it for money is thousands of years old. There’s hieroglyphics of it. You’d think the process would be down. How is KFC so bad at this?

__

Why is there only one cashier? It’s six o’clock. Do they not know that’s when people want terrible chicken dishes? Do they not have some sort of chicken genius with a chicken spreadsheet running chicken regression analyses to map out peak staffing needs? Well how about dinner time? HOW ABOUT HAVING MORE STAFF AROUND AT DINNER TIME?

__

Seriously. They have three cash registers here. I have never seen those other two used. Are they fake? Part of some sort of elaborate tax dodge? Maybe KFC’s a front for something? A better restaurant?

__

Heh, that would be hilarious if some Egypt guy was studying hieroglyphs and saw this one glyph of an old guy ordering chicken, and Horus is standing behind him, tapping his foot and looking pissed.

__

I should have gone to Wendy’s. I don’t even feel like chicken now. Damnit, no. I’m halfway there now. I will follow through on one damn thing in my life. This is not Devry.

__

I should go grocery shopping is what I should do. I could eat three meals for what I’m about to spend on something that barely qualifies as food. I could cram this popcorn chicken up my ass for all the nutritional good it will do me.

__

I should send that in to the Mythbusters.

__

Do not ask questions about the chicken! The person in the paper hat with the 25 minutes of training has no answers for you, fool!

__

Also, you do not want to spend too much time thinking about the food at KFC. That way lies madness.

__

Old Chinese woman, I will beat you with a shovel if you do not hurry up and order. I am not kidding. I can get a shovel. You think I am kidding? I’m not, as previously discussed. Let’s set this up.

__

Oh I get it now. She’s a trainee employee. OK, I feel a little bad for this girl. That right there is a shitty, shitty way to earn $7 an hour. Some people have shitty jobs, but they work outside, or make tips or get to go home not smelling of chicken. Not her.

__

I’m going to tip her. I’ll do it. It will be so cool. She will be all “That’s six-thirty-five please,” and I’ll hand her a 10 and say, “make it eight.”

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What am I thinking? Trying to tip the 16-year-old girl at the KFC counter, like I’m Reginald Q. Sex Offender. Also, fuck that. This chicken isn’t even worth $2. I will keep my change, thank you.

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Holy shit, what would happen to Bruce Banner if he ever walked into a KFC? He wouldn’t last 20 seconds in this place. He would Hulk right the fuck out the first time someone asked what their options were for sides. Pants all ripped, leaping on to the counter screaming “SIDES!? YOU DON’T SEE THE HUGE SIGN THAT SAYS ‘SIDES’? WITH THE LIST OF SIDES UNDERNEATH IT? HULK SEES IT. WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM? RAAAAAARRRRRGH! *Hulk smashes the children’s sticker machine in the corner and storms off*
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Finally! Finally made it to the front. What? Where are you going? WHERE ARE YOU GOING HALF-WIT KFC TRAINEE EMPLOYEE? DO NOT GO INTO THE BACK. DO NOT ATTEND TO OTHER CHICKEN RELATED TASKS. YOUR DUTY IS HERE, WITH ME. I WILL MURDER YOU WITH MY MIND IF YOU DO NOT BRING ME POPCORN CHICKEN. *I close my eyes and concentrate. My face scrunches up. A single bead of sweat trickles down my forehead. In my ears the sound of a million crows screaming echoes, as if at a great distance*

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Ahh good! The manager’s here. Finally someone with a deep intuitive understanding of the KFC/KFC patron relationship. Why is she talking in static?

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OK, apparently there’s a lot of blood coming out of my ears. I have to have to sit down until the ambulance comes. I ask for chicken, but they say the 911 dispatcher doesn’t think it’s a good idea. They give me a cup of ice chips instead. I ask if I can get some dipping sauce, and they shrug. What kind do I want? Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Um. What are my options?

My Open Love Letter

I'm not usually in to dealing with, listening to or buying in to love in any of it's forms. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for those that feel they have found it and those that wish to express it to the world around them. I get it. With the exception for love of a child, however, it isn't something that weighs heavily on my mind at any time. I also don't want to give the impression that I have never been in love, because I have. As much as I don't buy in to the concept, I do believe it exists...but the way people mistreat the concept of the feeling is what irks me to no end.

I have been in love, truly, with one person my entire adult life it seems. A person who sees me for who and what I am, doesn't judge me and clearly "gets" me. Someone who I have had ups and downs with, someone who has treated me, at times, with less than the respect I deserve. A person that I can talk to ( or listen to ) for hours on end without ever experiencing boredom or any awkward silence. On the other hand, that same person and I can say nothing to each other and know exactly what the other is thinking. She is someone who my mind conjures up whenever I hear any number of songs...okay, every song that has to do with something meaningful. She is the person that everyone since her has had to compete with in my mind and, more importantly, my heart. Looking back now, no one ever stood a chance in that competition...and for that, I apologize to every woman that has unknowingly had to deal with that.

I didn't set out to fall in love with her, not for a minute. I just...did. It was easy, too, as I have looked back on it over the years. She is an amazing individual, both inside and out. She is kind, giving, caring, beautiful and deserves every bit of good that can come to someone. Her grasp of the art of sarcasm and ability to understand mine is unmatched. Her sense of humor and just plain silliness is like nothing I have ever experienced. Her acceptance and love of who she is, coupled with her way of expressing it is amazing. I have never felt so at ease - physically, mentally and every way in between - than I have with her. Nor have I ever wanted to be a part of someone's happiness like I did her's. She is also the only person that I can't shut up about or keep to myself how I feel. I will tell any and everyone how amazing she is and what she means to me. I truly enjoy everything about her. Even the bad moments.


Meeting her and learning about her was interesting and welcomed every chance I got. Every story, from her or her Mother or siblings was just more of her I got to know about her. I gladly soaked up every bit that I could...all the while building our own stories, experiences and memories together. She is my closest friend and I am truly blessed to have had her in my life. While I may have lost her from time to time...she was never truly gone. Not from my heart. Not even when she hit me with her car...or the second time, for that matter.

Maybe it was timing, maybe it was something else...but we weren't meant to stay "together" and forced ourselves to be apart. It pained me to see her with other people, to endure not having her at my side or on the other end of the phone when I needed her ( or being her "go to" when she needed someone )...but it was a reality. Then, after some time had gone by...she got married. Outside of pulling something from a movie and showing up at the ceremony to put a stop to it and whisk her away...there was nothing I could do. Don't think I didn't consider it, either. The only thing that stopped me was my ego and the fear of being rejected. Not making an attempt is one of my life's biggest regrets, while I am being honest. Not having tried is, honestly, something that I look back on in anger with myself. In the end, though, love doesn't save the day...nor does it seem to be enough to make things "right".

This became the soundtrack to my life...

Now, years later, I find myself falling in love with her all over again. Which is strange, due to the fact that I never fell "out of love" with her. She asked me recently when we "ended"...and, for the life of me, I can't remember because it never did. Every ounce of every feeling I have ever had for her remains fully intact. My heart still gushes for her and my mind is still filled with the greatest of thoughts and memories of her - even the bad ones make me think of her fondly. Hearing her laugh, and she isn't capable of faking a laugh, is still something that makes me smile even thinking of it, let alone hearing it. She still means everything to me after all this time...and always will. And when I say "falling in love" with her...I don't mean reminiscing over years gone by, I mean falling in love with her like we had never met before. Almost, and I might not be explaining this right, as if I am rediscovering her all over again. All of the intimate things I know, and the experiences we have shared are all, somehow, new to me. Every story, every joke, every conversation, every text we exchange is exciting and amazing...like it was when we met. 


After not seeing her for the first time more than 6 years, recently, it was like we had just seen each other the day before. Nothing had changed - nothing. Her smell, her touch, her eyes when she looked at me...all the same. Her voice when she whispered to me, the way she immediately held my hand, the way she kissed me - all exactly the same, like only a few minutes had gone by. I knew that I missed her, but was sorely reminded of how much I loved her. More importantly, how much I want her back.

I love her with everything I have, and parts of me that I am only reminded exist because of her. She owns my heart and my mind without question...and I will adore her until the end of my time here in this life. This is my love letter to her, here, in public...for the world to see.

Feminists vs the Light Bulb

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:12

• One to screw it in
• One to excoriate men for creating the need for illumination
• One to blame men for inventing such a faulty means of illumination
• One to suggest the whole "screwing" bit to be too "rape-like"
• One to deconstruct the lightbulb itself as being phallic
• One to blame men for not changing the bulb
• One to blame men for trying to change the bulb instead of letting a woman do it
• One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from changing light bulbs
• One to blame men for creating a society where women change too many light bulbs
• One to advocate that lightbulb changers should have wage parity with electricians
• One to alert the media that women are now "out-lightbulbing" men
• One to just sit there taking pictures for her blog her photo-evidence that men are unnecessary

NFL Wildcard: Denver DOES Have a Shot

First, let me start out by saying that anyone that knows me, knows full well that I am not a "homer". I do not blindly back my team while ignoring shortcomings, deficiencies and the blatantly obvious. I hate those fans, but that will be the subject of a future post. The subject at hand is tomorrow's Wildcard matchup vs. the Steelers.

Let's start on Offense. Pittsburgh comes in on the back of a very shaky Ben Roethlisberger and his severely sprained ankle ( which he said was a "5 out of 10" after re-injuring it in the final week of the Season ). He is clearly having trouble with any semblance of a pass rush...and Denver brings 5 on almost 50% of it's plays on Defense. Elvis Dumervil and rookie Von Miller combined for 21 Sacks this season, and look to bring that pressure in spades. 

 

Besides "Big Ben" being hobbled, feature HB Rashard Mendenhall is out with a torn ACL, leaving the running duties to Isaac Redman on Sunday. Redman put up just under 100 and scored a TD after taking over...but lost 2 fumbles as well. I like that.Other than that, I love the matchups of Denver's DBs vs. Pittsburgh's WRs. LOVE IT.

Denver's Offense is a completely different, and transparent, story. Tim Tebow has seemed to regress a little bit over the last 3 weeks, but the kid has proven that he can win big games in his short career as a QB. We know he has the heart and determination, just not the skill-set yet. One thing he doesn't do, is turn the ball over...which is something he has got to continue tomorrow to give us a shot. We aren't going to win on his arm, and against this Steeler D we can't rely on his legs to do it all, but keeping that ball in our possession and not making young mistakes is what we can benefit from. Remember, Trent Dilfer won a ring as a starter...and he's fucking dreadful. Also, if you think Tim's confidence has been shaken - you're dead wrong.

I believe that Denver's running game can, indeed, grind hard against the Steel Curtain and do some real damage. Our almost 170 YPG on the ground isn't nearly all Tebow. Willis McGahee put up 1,200 on his own and Lance Ball and Jeremiah Johnson seem to run well in this Offense as well. Our ground game just needs to punch it in more often tomorrow for us to be successful. And against the League's best Run Defense, it will be a tough task...but doable.

I also look for WR Eric Decker to have a big game tomorrow. 

The Pittsburgh D comes to the rare air of Denver hobbled a bit as well, but I believe that even in their state right now, they are still a great Defense. Lamaar Woodley is continually pulling that hamstring and was even listed as Questionable early in the week. I know he won't miss this game, but I like him being less than 100%. Ryan Clark can't even suit up...as the last time he played in Denver, he had his spleen and gallbladder surgically removed. That hurts their Secondary more than Pittsburgh fans let on.

Denver's Defense, while young, has proven to be brilliant at times...and opportunistic at best. Like I stated earlier, I love the matchup between their Secondary and Pittsburgh's WRs. Champ is, well...Champ. We know what we get from him. Andre Goodman can cover and is as smart as they come. Those two, coupled with Brian Dawkins add the much needed experience that this young D needs to help them through. With Pittsburgh hobbled Offense, I think they can keep us in the game going in to the final Quarter. Our pass rush is fast, driven and has proven to be killer when at it's best. And it will need to be come 4:15 tomorrow. 

On the other hand, Ben could come out and put up a quick 17...and that might be insurmountable.

Good news for both teams: the last two times they met in the Playoffs, the winner went on to the Super Bowl.

In the end, of course, anything can happen. It won't come down to Jesus, though. We need a solid showing all around to beat even a slightly crippled Steeler team. Spot on Special Teams, ball control and a young Defense to play their collective asses off. Something Jesus can't provide. But, just in case the Son of God does play a factor, I leave you with this:

Kids Just Need Attention...and a Beatin'

Let me start off by saying that I loved my Grandmother very much while she was alive...and think of her fondly to this day. I couldn't have asked for a better influence growing up...and will always be thankful for the help she provided my Mother in raising me. I am in no way attempting to paint her in a bad light, nor am I looking for anyone to feel sorry for me. Quite the opposite. 

Growing up in the 70s, it wasn't just acceptable to hit, yell at and embarrass a child...it was expected. Whether you were at home, in church, the grocery store or at the bus stop didn't matter - you cut out of line, you took one for it. If you were acting like a fool and your parent/guardian/babysitter didn't control you - any adult present had the right to yell at you and straighten you out. It seemed normal at the time to us...and it worked.

My Grandmother was one of the most racist people I can ever remember meeting, but it was how she was raised. It was the time that she grew up in. However, she would no sooner finish the word "nigger" and already be wrapping you in the mouth for repeating it. She knew it was wrong, she knew it was disrespectful...but it was instilled in her. It was in her nature to call black people "colored", "niggers", "spear chuckers", "moolies" and "porch monkeys". God forbid I did it, though...and she would just about let them beat my ass. Very much "do as I say, not as I do", I know. But it worked. I said it once...once. That was all it took for me to keep my mouth closed and not repeat any of those epithets. It may not have been the greatest way to teach me respect for other people...but it was what she knew. I learned every ounce of respect for others that I have from my Grandmother and her way of instilling it.

Today, I can't go a full shopping trip at the grocery store, Target, GameStop - anywhere - without watching and listening to kids be blatantly disrespectful to their parents, grandparents and adults in general. And I fully believe that it's because we, as a society, allow them to. We coddle kids in so many ways over the last few years that they can now do whatever the Hell they want without any fear of repercussion. Not from their parents, not from school...and not even from Grandma.

In my house, he'd get another one for flinching.

God forbid you raise your voice to a kid, even your own kid, in front of anyone these days. You might as well call Child Protective Services on yourself when you're done. Don't even consider grabbing a hold of them and letting them know they are out of line - that'll get the cops called to the local McDonald's before the Happy Meal toy is out of the plastic. 

Fact is, some kids ( maybe even your kid, I can't say for sure ) are just assholes. They weren't born assholes, either. Just like no one is born racist. It is instilled in them by their parents, caregivers and the people you allow to influence them. Plus, the whole of society adds to the little asshole's self entitlement...

A kid throws a fit at home when he doesn't get his way? Medicate him.

A kid acts out in school when he doesn't want to be there? Medicate him.

A kid has a fit of rage because he loses a game of Connect 4? You guessed it - get the pills!

All we got were Flintstones!

ADD/ADHD has been discussed since the late 1700s in some way, shape or form and in 1937 they started prescribing medication for it. My question is, why wasn't anyone I grew up with ( or our parents ) ever diagnosed with it or medicated for it? I won't bother touching on any conspiracy theories about the pharmaceutical companies looking to make money off of it, as that can be attributed to many other things in life. Instead, I will attribute it to the fact that we weren't coddled and treated with such a "hands off" approach by parents. 

When we were kids, if we were hyper and all over the place, bouncing from one thing to another like a bunch of mini coke fiends - it was because we were KIDS! Now it is easier for parents to allow their kids to become literal zombies than actually...I dunno...deal with and interact with them. Fucking shameful. 

Your kids don't need medication. they need your Goddamn attention. I know it is a strange concept, but it actually works when applied. Get off of facebook, turn off your iPhone, iPad, iEverything and turn off the fucking TV. You get to be an adult when they go to sleep. Right now, they are awake and very much out of control. Set the DVR so you can watch your bullshit later.

Another source of coddling leading to self-entitlement is clearly sports and any other organized competition. When did we start giving trophies to every kid who signed up for a sport? What is with the "everyone is a winner" bullshit we are feeding these kids? Last Summer I heard a teacher tell a kid, "you didn't lose...you were just the last winner". What the fuck does that mean? Teaching your kids that no one ever loses is a ridiculous way to get them ready for life. An offense that should be punishable by jail time. Okay, that might be a bit harsh, but fines should be levied. Heavy ones.

So now we can't play games at recess that involve picking teams, because someone has to be picked last...and that will hurt their feelings. We can't play dodge ball because that singles kids out...and that will hurt their feelings. Can't play Tag because, well...they have feelings. We can't let them leave without a trophy...all because of their precious feelings. Jesus Christ, am I the only one that has a problem with this shit? Are we, as a society, really okay with sending our kids out in to the "real" world with these types of expectations? Nothing about what you experience after your High School years coincides with the bullshit we are instilling in our kids...and other people's kids.

If your kid is being a disrespectful asshole, to you or a friend or another adult - it's your fault, so you deal with it. You, personally. Not your nosy neighbor. Not the newest "Doctor" with a TV show. Not the hottest developmental problem on the block. Sit with your kids. Experience them. Teach them. Learn from them. Listen to them. Yell at them if you have to. Threaten them if you need to. And don't be afraid to beat them.

It certainly worked when I was a kid, and I didn't grow up to be any type of dysfunctional emo serial killer who cut himself or shot up a school because my feelings were stepped on.

Movies: An American Crime

"The true story of a shocking crime and a secret that wouldn't keep"

An American Crime is based on the true story of some terrible things that happened to a young girl in Indiana in 1965 - and I do mean some horrible shit. Sylvia Likens is a young girl that is forced ( with her younger Sister ) to live with a stranger and her 6 children. The things that go on shorty after her arrival are reprehensible.

It stars Ellen Page ( from Juno ), Catherine Keener ( The 40 Year Old Virgin ) and has a script based largely on the court transcripts from the case. While I did have a few problems with it, none of which I can reveal with spoiling anything, none of those things stopped me from loving this movie...and hating myself for doing so.

Rent it, buy it, I don't care - see it.

Lost Treasure

Been digging up some old work that I thought long gone ( like a TON of my work over the years ). 

There will definitely be more to come.

For more lost treasures, check out my album over on the Fan Page:

Lost Treasure

Travis Hansen sketches GA for me!

Local artist Travis Hansen sketched me a real quick Green Arrow ( my 2nd all-time favorite hero ) yesterday at a local comic shop. 

Yeah, I'm diggin' it. Thanks again to Buzz and Andrea for hooking me up!

You can check out his work over at

Bean Leaf Press

Grim's Toy Show Episode 1

Grim's Toy Show is a Web Show that does toy reviews, collection features, toy hunting and some wild videos. It is done, in part, by an old friend of mine Alex and a buddy of his. Definitely check it out and subscribe to the channel!

In this episode, Grim's Daughter ruins a valuable collectible.

On Point New Jersey Network

Just sending a shout and some love towards the On Point NJ Show on stickam. You can catch El Loco Mario and the cast of characters live from the real Jersey Shore all throughout the week. Catch "Nanny's Nut House", "Uncle Scadole" & "On Point " live and direct.

El Loco Mario

Uncle Scadole

They talk a lot of shit...but they ain't lyin'. So tune in, call in, join the chat...and if you live in the NJ area, you can be a guest!

Women I Would Leave You For

This is Rosario Dawson. I would totally leave you for her.

If you want to see the rest of the women that could easily steal me away...you can go here:

Women I Would Leave You For

My New Year Thoughts

To start this site ( and the New Year ) off right, I am going to give a huge thanks to everyone that helped me through the roughest year of my life. I didn't know I had so many people who cared, not only cared enough to verbally support me and send me their best...but the ones that went above and beyond what can be expected from anyone. People that have never even met me personally have even come through in amazing ways to support and help me. The love and support I have received is impossible to describe completely, but it has not gone unnoticed or been taken for granted. So, to all of you...thank you.

And to the people who made my year the mess that it was:
YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF!

I am coming back stronger, smarter and harder than ever. 

You knocked me down - but not out. I promise you that.

Now, with that out of the way...let's get to it!