It seems that, in most relationships, that it's the "little things" that come between people. Whether you're married, living together or just dating at the time, problems are almost always attributed to the "little things". Or maybe it is just what I consider "little". Let's find out.
When you are with someone, even if it is just a close friend, isn't the last thing that you want to do fight with that person? To bicker with them, to argue with them? To me it is...but to others it seems to really be the opposite. I understand that everyone has quirks and habits that might be a bit annoying to you or take getting used to...we all have them. Part of getting close to someone is learning them and looking past them, as long as the habit isn't child porn or drowning kittens that is. Those things are a part of someone and help to make them who they are. They are to be respected and if they can't be, then you probably aren't getting that close in the first place.
Married couples, and couples that simply live together, seem to fight over the stupidest shit. Then, even worse, they harbor it until a war starts over some shit that isn't even the real problem to begin with. Having children seems to add to this ten fold.
One parent not getting help from the other is absurd to me. Whether it is homework, bath time, dinner, chores...whatever. You are supposed to be partners in this, but too many people don't see it that way. How hard is it to lend a hand after work to help accomplish something? How impossible a thought is it to set the table or help clear it off when dinner is done? You shouldn't have to be asked or begged...and you shouldn't come looking for a pat on the back or a gold star for doing what you are supposed to: be a partner, a Dad or a useful member of the house you live in.
How hard is it to respect the stay-at-home-Mom or Dad when you come home from work? To understand that they have it just as stressful as you do? I don't care how stressful your job is, even the crossing guard's job is fucking stressful - get over it and yourself. You have obligations at home that you should be happy to do. How hard is it to respect the person you are dwelling with or even dealing with based solely on the fact that you are with them? How impossible of an idea is it that you show some appreciation for a clean house and a full belly at the end of your day? Simple - it's not. You are not owed that, you are not entitled to that based strictly on the size of your bullshit ego. Making money is easy...making your house a home is not.
"I worked all day, what did YOU do?"
I understand that some people can't be satisfied and look to nit-pick about something every day. They can go fuck themselves. The last thing I want to do is come home to fight with someone I could easily be enjoying my life with. Helping them around the house isn't punishment or something to be resented. Sure, sometimes I want to come home and sit in the bathroom for a half hour and read something...but I can do that after I run the garbage out, do a little homework and admire the fact that I love my house and my family.
Seriously, who wants to fight with anyone, let alone the person you are supposed to be happy to come home to? Wouldn't everyone rather handle their business, eat dinner, clean up, enjoy some time with and then read a story to their kids and send them off to sleep? Doing that with a partner really does make it easier and gets it done quicker...then we can enjoy the rest of our evening together. It makes for a much happier setting, doesn't it? We then can use that extra time and lack of animosity over who didn't do what to watch our shows together, pursue our separate interests or hobbies together, coexist and just be in the same room/house together, just enjoy each other's company like we are supposed to...and maybe even have ridiculous amounts of really good sex. I am all for any of those things over sitting silently and ignoring each other until it is time to go to sleep, wake up and go through it all over again.
"Thanks for clearing the table...now take me!"
It isn't my job to make you happy...but it is my obligation as your partner, significant other, husband, etc. to make sure that I don't make you unhappy. That part is cake as far as I am concerned.
The worst feeling I have ever experienced is that feeling of dread when faced with coming home. It certainly trumps the "is she screwing around on me?" feeling. If she's screwing around on me, she can go see if she has it better somewhere else. I can find someone else to love and respect and be happy with. No, the former feeling is much worse.
Now, finally, to my question:
With everything seemingly so easy to get along and the goal being to live happily with your chosen partner...what are the "hard" parts supposed to be? Some spend their entire lives bouncing from one relationship or marriage to another because they can't even handle the easy things like respect and a willingness to help the other person based on their bullshit notions of what they are entitled to...so, again, what are the hard parts of a relationship supposed to be? I can't think of one.
